My Halloween post

BLAAAHHHHH. So (barf).... much (barf)...damage.

My sober Halloween post

For the 1st time in my life I finally got to be on the other end of the door for Halloween. Let me tell you now, this giving thing.... waaaay over rated. But I had a great Halloween trick for the three feet masses. No its not punch them in the face (ok, it is punch them in the face, but isn't it great) rather i bought my candy where everything is is cheap, dirty, & doesn't last you five minutes before it breaks down. Yes that's right, I bought all my candy in Buffalo. Apparently its also where your Dad found your Mom. Not to worry about cheap candy, the kids outfits match my candy exactly. They all have sparkling futures on The Price Is Right. So many Care-Bears on budget ( i think Ambitious Bear even resorted to prostitution), I guess rainbows & sparkles don't go for what they used to on the market. Even Jason had to let go of the chain-saw cuz of gas prices. Worst costume of the day though, goes to the vampire/ninja. Seriously, how'd you work that one out. "I'm hiding in every shadow, waiting to tell you my feelings." But I'll tell you what did rock, my costume. I was part of the most dynamic duo ever seen on TV: Vince a Slap-Chop. I was dressed as Vince, & the Slap-Chop...well it was just a Slap-Chop. And yes, I might not been the most well thought out costume there. But you know what i was: In a great mood all day. Yes, i may not have had the most money dumped into my costume, but I did have home fries in a second.

Maybe the guy in the van does have candy

Now that Halloween is getting close everyone & their mom's are scrambling to find a good Halloween costume for this year, their dads are have a beer on the couch. Because god forbid you don't find anything & have to resort to your costume from last year, superman two years in a row just isn't going to fly...literally. Apparently laser beams from your eyes is no problem but watching your weight with all those potato chips can be a bitch. Needless to say, my mall is now packed with kids 24/7. Micheal Jackson would be in Heav..... Awwwww too soon? Halloween is coming though, & it won't be long till I get a bunch of really small, waddling, unintelligible, individuals knocking at my door... Japaneses. Angela has been thinking up couple ideas for us for Halloween costumes, & I've been thinking up ways i can explain to my friends that this is not at all tacky. I did decide to help out so here's a couple idea's a had:
-Vince & a Slapchop (My favorite, can also be substituted for Vince & a beat-up hooker)
-Edward & Jacob (Today's version of jack & Rose)
-Janet Jackson & Michea..... Awwww too soon??
-Robert Downey Jr & a correctional officer
-Peanut Butter & Jelly (esp. if your going out to dance)

Pause.
It is now time in my post to show you the official "Worst costume ever" or what scientist are calling " Damn, he be fucked up". Here it goes....

Endless WTF's & ZOMG's, that dude can haz hax. How did he come to that point in his life...& how can i stay as far away as possible from him. Parents this is what happens when you lock your kids in the basement, they dress like shit...ask the parents of Lady Gaga? So put away the fake blood & fangs, you just got owned for the freakiest costume ever. After seeing this I can't post any more i just can't. This is Vijay signing out

A is for apple B for Braaaaaains....oh wait, ball? oh ok that makes sense.

Fact 1: Everyone who knows me knows I'm a huge fan of hot chicks
Fact 2: Everyone who knows me knows I'm a huge fan of brainless Zombies
Fact 3: Everyone who knows me knows I'm a huge fan of brainless hot chicks...
wait what. oh...no no that's right ( i love you babe :D)
Fact 4: Everyone who knows me knows I'm a huge fan of violence. (if your
unaware of this fact, say i look funny...I dare you.)

So when Milo Jovovich makes pop tart filling outta countless zombies in a movie ,its awesome. So awesome she did it 3 more times. Resident Evil 4:Afterlife was great. Story not so much, & there's a couple things that just don't make sense, but all in all a great movie. And once again, she shoves her foot so far up those zombies ass that when they burp they taste sneaker. Ofcourse she can't do everything, so when they need help finding a way outta a maximum security prison, they enlist the help of none other than Micheal Scofield (or was it Redfield), who better be f**king good at it seeing as he's been doing this the past 4 seasons. I'll try to post some art soon... as soon as i draw it, & ink it, & scan... you know what don't hold your breath, you always end up making a stupid face when you do. Go to the link & take the stupid quiz, & let me know what your score is. Although you know that no matter how
much I love you, if we're getting chased by zombies... I'm tripin' you.

http://www.zomboid.com/zombie/

BRAINS!

I got 82.1100917431193% on the Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz! Well done! Your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse are better than average! Don't get too cocky, though. Remember, the undead never sleep... Take the quiz! quiz created by elis and adam.

FUCK AUTHORITY... SILENT MAJORITY

I'm proud to be Canadian about as often as you are/would be a proud parent. But the G-20 riots in Toronto made me proud, or at least made me not have to look around to see if anyone heard me every time I said 'EH?' for a couple days. 1105 people were reported arrested, making it the largest mass arrest in Canadian history. On June 26th & 27th the G-20 arrived in Toronto, Ontario, CANADA ( that place that gives the world a never ending supply of maple syrup & laughs) & the protests of the past week flared into a full scaled riot. Both Canadians were unhappy about the G-20 & had some harsh words to say. No seriously a group comprising of about 10,000 people protested downtown on June 26th, & things got out of hand in a hurry. The damage cost of the vandalism was estimated at around 1.1 billion, with major businesses & corporations the targets.

- Nike ( Curiously enough all vandals appeared to be wearing Adidas)
- Scotiabank
- Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC)
- Urban Outfitters
- Toronto-Dominion Bank
- Sears
As well as a couple of fast food joints (anarchy gives me the munchies). The police did a terrible job of trying to keep things in order & resorted to violence in many cases to make up for their lack of skill & crowd control (a lot like your alcoholic dad). In the end anarchy prevailed even if only for a shot while, as its not often 'The Man' gets caught with his pants down. But it put a smile on my face to see that they used the opportunity to kick him in the ass.

A pictures worth 1000 souls

WHO-RAW, finally got around to posting my art work. I was going to post one sooner but I accidentally flushed it down the toilet, since i smeared it on a piece of toilet paper.
Anyhow here's one I did last Halloween for a Deviant Art contest. Like Angelina Jolie when she finally got naked in major film...too little too late, I missed the final entry date.Knowing that anything good in life employs a little child labor, the coloring was done by this brown kid, who was nice enough to take time away from his busy schedule of stitching Nike's to color it for me. Seriously though, (Sohail) you've got some skills dude. I rush the backdrop for the same reason you drop X into that cosmopolitan drink: i was just trying to hit the date. Enjoy & comment

UFC 113- Karate is back, oh wait, it just got returned to sender.

In faraway China long long ago, something I have no idea about happened & thus I will not write about it. If you would like to learn about ancient history please consult a reliable source: Madonna. Let me tell you what i do know about though, UFC 113, hosted in Montreal, Canada. This has by far been the most entertaining card since, well, UFC 112. I encourage all of you missed it to sit down right now & say, "ah crap I missed it." Seriously though it was a great card. And just like any meal with meat & veggies served on the same plate, the best was saved for last. Lyoto 'The Dragon' Machida a.k.a 'The karate kid' vs. Mauricio 'Shogun' Rua a.k.a 'Mauricio Shogun Rua' for the light heavy weight belt. (What the *#@& is light heavy ? How the F*** do you go shopping for clothes when your light heavy? Its like being a black-white guy, which is impossible, unless your name is Will Smith.) Any how this fight was a sequel to the previous one (what are the odds?) Where Lyoto won a very controversial decision over Shogun. Thus prompting an 'instant' rematch... 7 month later. The scheduling of this fight was handled by Mexican road workers . Here' s how the fight went down round for round:
Round 1- Machida gets knocked out by Shogun Rua

In the end, do all the back flips & read all the haiku you want, nothing beats fist to face action. Ask your alcoholic dad. Other big fights on the card Josh Koscheck won over Paul Dailey In decision & Kimbo slice fought (Do I really need to tell you that he didn't win?) On behalf of Canada, I'd like to thank our neighbors down south for sharing something special: Electricity.


Here' s A link to the fight that probably does n't work now

http://www.mma-tv.net/vault.php?search=ufc%20113

Everything is bigger in texas

Everything is bigger in Texas. Which is great unless, like me, your going to see your Girlfriend in Texas, & the last time you saw her was not in Texas. The guy sleeping on the couch says its in my best interests to say I'm joking, & I am. She was fat the last time I saw her too. Her are some interesting facts I found about Texas...

* There are no interesting facts about Texas

I did learn that the State Flying Mammal is the Mexican Free-tailed Bat ( The State Flying Mammal of Oregon is the Seattle Depressed Businessman, who can be seen migrating to the sidewalk ,via office window, from 30 stories above).
In truth, I had a great time in The Republic of Texas, would have been nice to leave her bedroom & look around though.

The Anthem of Texas, here's Molotov with Frijolero

Why We Write

Every writer has asked himself this question at least once in his life, although if your name is Tom Clancy you should probably do it daily. Fortunately for me & unfortunately for anyone visiting this blog sober, I am NOT a writer. There are certain things i do not have that every good writer needs: Time, an Idea, & their virginity. Rather I am your regular nine to fiver sitting at my desk which means that my fingers are constantly hovering over the Alt-Tab buttons &...its not really my desk. I had put the idea of this blog off until a better time presented itself, such as now with my hands full in a family international center, & on rare occasions doing my own laundry. This blog will mainly be for my art (stay tuned for the macaroni gluing of a house) & random things I deem vital to your knowledge. Hopefully this blog will grow into a perfect way for you to spend your time, after checking between your toes for fluff twice. I promise that I will try my best not to publish anything useful, & that in the nature of all blogs, I'll stop blogging after the first three posts.